I am trying to find purpose and meaning...

but I am failing.

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. My new job, although it's a great environment and I love being here, has been draining. By the time I go home, I too drained to do anything else. My goal list has been kaput.

I have no energy to waste on exposure therapy.
I have no energy to waste on chores.
I have no energy to waste on my husband (and I know he is starting to feel it).

I have no energy at all.

I have all these other special projects that I want to get to, and I just can't.
I bought a mini-journal - 52 list project - to help me get back on track with writing and finding the good in the day/week/world, and I haven't been able to touch it yet.
I signed up for the Crisis text line, got approved, and this was the first week of training... I have two days to do it before I get kicked off :( I want to try it but, again, no energy.
I have special projects from work that I was supposed to do last weekend, that has been asked for me to produce yesterday, and... it's not done.

NOTHING IS DONE.

My last session with my therapist was short. She started a new schedule and my appointment was 30 minutes long. I got out all the stuff I felt was important from over the last month, and got no therapy. It felt like it anyway. I left her office for the first time feeling like nothing was accomplished. I know I can schedule more frequent visits, but I just don't have it in me right now to do that.

I don't know if I will ever get back to feeling complete. To have energy to DO stuff after work. To have energy to BE with my husband, instead of just existing next to him. I don't know why I am existing now. I don't know why I am alive.

I am just wasting space.