Gasp!

A symptom that has not ever gone away is how easily startled I am. A loud noise, or seeing something unexpected, makes me gasp and jump a little in my seat. I should be thankful that minor things don't instantly trigger a panic attack like before, but it's still a bit annoying (although I do laugh at myself when it happens).

Examples of things that have startled me (with a gasp and jump out of my seat): 

• Whistling
• Mario Kart player missing a jump and falling off the track
• Someone saying "This is bad"
• The turning of a doorknob
• Shutting the refrigerator door
• Someone sneezing down the hall

So you can see, very mundane things. Of course the main things that previously triggered a panic attack, still do, but at a lower capacity. For example, while at the cabin last weekend, my brother put on one of the new Planet of the Apes films. I believe it was Rise of the Planet of the Ape. There were a few gun shots. I did my gasp and jump at the first one, and felt my heart rate rise. Then by the time they showed another gun, I was out of the room. Guns and Loud noises trigger the "gasp and jump" reflex but it also comes with the panic attack. I am becoming quit well at keeping them under control for the most part. I think 2/5 times, I get triggered into an intense panic. 

I did bring up this to my therapist, asking her if I will always be so easily startled or if it's something that will go away. I mentioned that I gasped at paper blowing slightly in the breeze out of the corner of my eye (yes, I gasped at paper!!). She personally doesn't have experience with this type of trauma, so she found it hard to give me a definite answer. Which is fine. I know we are a unique case for Kentucky (that's what our Victim Specialist told us too). I just wish I knew for sure.

I guess, for now, that means no haunted houses, no scary movies, and no extreme gun movies until I can stop this "gasp and jump" at the little things. It's something I will slowly have to build a tolerance to!