I used to deny myself many things. A specialty coffee in the morning, a new pair of shoes, new clothes, two desserts. I always told myself, there is something better to spend my money on. By better, I meant more practical. Like gas, bills, groceries, car repairs, etc. I had buyers remorse every time I bought something for myself.
After having a sudden, and violent, life or death experience (and seeing terrorist attacks all over the news this month) it really puts life in perspective, and just how instantly it can end at any moment.
Life is short. There is no guarantee that you will make it to age 90, and even if you did 90 years is still a short time. I still can't believe I made it this far. I am shocked that Erich and I were both alive to see him turn 30. It almost didn't happen!
Lately, I've been treating myself. I've been treating myself to new shoes, coffee, chai, or tea several days a week. I've been on edge of quitting my crappy job since I got back. Life is too short to have to worry about bad bosses. Life is too short to continue to wear shoes that are tattered and falling apart. Life is too short not to treat yo self to even the smallest things that make you happy.
For a few months, that's what I keep telling myself.
I should go get that thing I want because, I could die tomorrow.
I should get Erich a very expensive birthday gift because I want his moments here to be as happy as they can be.
I should treat my neighbor to dinner every once in a while.
I shouldn't turn down that invite to a small reunion party.
I should help my friends pay for groceries.
I should give that homeless guy money.
I should do everything I can to make the world a better place for friends, family, future generations, strangers and myself. This is a positive that has come from a negative. I am just getting there, but I will continue to live life to the fullest as best as I can. Now, I am sipping on a delicious Beekeeper Iceberg from Heine Brothers at 9:00 AM because I deserve it!
And you deserve it too.
why do you take meds??
ReplyDeleteHi there. On January 6th, there was a shooting at the Fort Lauderdale airport in Florida, USA. I was in the middle of it. I have been since diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder, then Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have been seeing a psychologist who has prescribed me medication to deal with the PTSD symptoms and depression and to help control my panic attacks. Let me know if you have any questions.
DeleteI have many entries about how my medication works here:
https://therealjessicamayes.blogspot.com/2017/03/medication-and-side-effects.html
https://therealjessicamayes.blogspot.com/2017/04/blog-post.html
https://therealjessicamayes.blogspot.com/2017/04/pills-pills-pills.html
And I have an entry about what I experienced during the attack here:
https://therealjessicamayes.blogspot.com/2017/03/my-day-from-beginning-to-end-on-january.html