Just because I'm dealing with all of this, doesn't mean other people are not struggling as well. Every body is struggling with their own issues, and those issues are the most important to the individual.
Something horrible recently happened to a close friend. I will not say what happened, but it was one of the most awful things that can happen to a person. I was told at a time where I was already feeling low. I perked myself up and tried my best to be there for that person...
...But they wouldn't stop coming to me for advice. I felt the weight of my own issues I carry, and now this new issue with a friend pounding down on me. I had to shut off my phone for piece of mind, and let them take care of themselves. I just couldn't give them any more at that moment.
Then, when I turn my phone back on, I am sucked into another whirlwind. In a group message, other people I am close to are bickering. They are telling each other how to live their live's, pulling out mistakes from the past, telling them mistakes they will make in the future are not smart. Personal attacks... Every time I tried to jump in and cut them off, I got either ignored or accused of sweeping it under the rug.
It eventually caused me to have a vicious panic attack. I was at least a week free of panic attacks until yesterday. Everyone's issues seem to be coming to the surface and I want to be there to help, but I am not strong enough... Mentally, I am not there.
I cried last night. I had asthma problems all night. That panic attack messed me up.
I am trying to keep positive and pursue my goals of being a peer support specialist. I want to be there to help others... But I recognize I am not strong enough for it now.
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