Every night it's the same thing. I cannot fall asleep without the TV on. Then I cannot stay asleep. I have nightmares every night. Nightmares about the darkness.
I dream about getting shot in the head. I dream about the incident taking place at another time. I dream about going back in time to stop it. I dream that the world is ending. I dream that I have gone crazy.
All my nightmares seem so real. I can feel and smell and taste. I am doing normal things and nothing seems out of place. The fear is so real. I can no longer control my dreams. I am helpless.
I just don't sleep anymore. If I sleep for an hour I have a nightmare, then I cannot go back to sleep until several hours later, only to have another nightmare. I think I get an average 2-3 hours of sleep a night. Maybe 4 hours if I'm lucky. I trudge through the day like nothing happened through the night and then go back home to repeat this cycle.
Only on weekends, when the light is out and I know nothing stressful will happen, do I get sleep. I still have nightmares at night, but I can wake up to a day with no responsibilities and I can just nap the whole day away. And I absolutely do.
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