I am trying to post different examples of what ASD attacks are like and what may or may not trigger them. This one is similar to the last episode I posted about but lasted at least an hour, possibly longer.
So this episode happened right after I we got home. I cannot remember the day or time. I remember it was before I started seeing my psychiatrist and I still wasn't leaving my house. My family decided to come over, and when I say my family I mean my whole immediate family and my nieces and nephew. I am not 100% sure what triggered it, but it could have been a combination of many things:
My safe space was crowded. There were 7 extra people in my house and a baby. They all wanted to see me. It was the first time seeing them since I came back home.
They wanted to watch the new Captain America Movie and there was a ton of shooting going on. I didn't stay in the room with the TV on.
The Ice Machine in the kitchen made a noise.
Someone popped a cork.
I started drinking to handle the pressure I was feeling.
I left the room and started feeling dizzy. I was sitting away from everyone in our office when I noticed I hadn't seen Erich in a while. I start worrying internally. Was he okay? Where did he go? I searched the bedroom and then went to the basement. He was with my niece trying to set her up on the gaming system. I sit next to him and ask him if he's okay. He nods and says he's fine. That's when I realized I wasn't okay. I went to our spare bedroom in the basement and start crying. Just uncontrollably crying. Hysterically. He immediately runs into the room and holds me. I start worrying about my niece, because I didn't want her to hear my cry, but there is no doubt the whole house could hear me cry.
My sister came in and she started comforting me. I couldn't breath, I needed my inhaler. My sister left to go find it and she shut the door quietly. Erich was still there, but seeing the door shut made me flip out. Reality started to blur. When I saw that door shut I started shouting "He's here. Oh god he's here he's here and he's coming." I was back on the floor of the airport again. He was pacing back and forth again. Erich kept repeating "We're home, we're safe, I'm here." I tried to focus on his voice but I was so scared. I was shaking I couldn't breath. My sister gave me my inhaler and I took a few puffs. It started to calm me down but I was still sobbing. I couldn't stop. My sister was rubbing my back, Erich was reminding me I was safe, and there was calming music playing. I couldn't stop.
It was about an hour or so later before I could leave the room. I'm not going to lie, my sister gave me one of her kpins and I really started to calm down. I left the room with my sister and Erich. The rest of my family was starting to leave and I couldn't take hearing their steps upstairs. I didn't think I was able to climb the stairs either because my legs were so weak. I was wrapped in a cover on my couch in the basement just waiting for the Kpin to kick in. It did eventually and Kristen and Beau ended up leaving. I honestly don't remember what happened after they left.
This was one of the first ASD episodes I had. I have had many since then. And now I have PTSD episodes. I will describe them in the next entry.
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