My Husband's maybe PTSD episode?

Tragedy affects people different. Someone can get their legs blown off during a marathon and continue to race as soon as they are used to their prosthetic. Then there are people like me, who survive these attacks and feel like they will never be brave again. There are also people like my husband. They seem calm, cool, collected but whatever they bottle up is explosive in a very unsettling way.

I thought he was doing better than I was. He could go out in public, he is down to one panic attack a week or so. Today he gave me a reason to be afraid, and I am not sure if I can help him, who to talk to, or who to turn to with this.

He definitely is suffering from some sort of PTSD (undiagnosed). He is bottling it all up and then I trigger it. I trigger it by being opened and honest. I told him something he did effected me. I told him I wasn't mad or anything, I just mentioned it matter-of-factly. Then about 40 minutes later he is set off into an uncontrollable psychosis that I felt he couldn't return from.

It lasted an hour and a half.

I am terrified of this happening again. I fear that he will take his life if it happens again. Maybe he will take my life as well. I am not sure. I just know I felt helpless and I tried to comfort him as best as I could, but he was the definition of crazy. I just hope it doesn't happen again and he gets help.

Writing this seems like the type of thing you hear people say before they die. You wonder why they didn't seek help sooner, or why didn't they see this as a warning sign. Well, I can tell you right now it's 100% because I love him and I trust him to a degree and I seriously think this is something I can handle on my own... even if deep down I know I can't. I just hope we can get this under control and nothing bad comes from me waiting to reach out to someone.